Cassie Week 5: Ready, Set, Go… again!

I’m a miserable mess right now on a seemingly continuous downward spiral. My period is due soon, so I’m semi-sure my emotional ineptitude is partly due to that horror and why I’ve been such a diva (when really, that’s not a part of my personality — I’m typically easy going!) I haven’t gained (thank goodness) or lost anything (damn), but I am disappointed in myself. For one, I skipped my dance class to see ParaNorman. Really!? I could have seen it after. Looking back over this last week, I see that everything “bad” that happened wasn’t the worst. I felt like I needed some self-care and I went to see a movie instead of indulging in the care that I desperately need right now.

I have always put all my energy into nurturing my skills like art and writing. I have never been my first priority. I will run myself ragged if it means creating something. Right now, though, I am burnt out and passionless. I don’t want to write and I don’t want to draw. I want to roll up into a ball, have babies, and live in the suburbs with a white picket fence, two cats, a dog, and a rabbit. I don’t even want to paint my mailbox up all cute, that’s how blah and lifeless I am feeling.

If I can kill myself for my art, why can’t I kill myself for me?

Er… you know what I mean.

Surprisingly enough, I did groceries this last week (opposed to skipping it to do other things), and all of it was of a healthy nature. Tons of leafy greens, yogurt, fruits, and quinoa. Bury me with quinoa, I love it so much! In fact, bury me IN quinoa. I learned how to cook leafy greens and also how to eat them for snacks (easy!) I’ve been watching tutorials on YouTube on different ways to cook vegetables because before now I always thought it had to be in a salad or in a soup to eat it. Eating uncooked carrots? Eating green mush that used to look like spinach? I had no idea! It’s actually pretty fun. Maybe there is something to this finding a fun way of implementing things that benefit my health. Kind of like the idea of finding fun ways to exercise so it doesn’t seem like it’s exercise…

And even though I called myself out last week about falling off the exercise wagon, I didn’t completely hop back on. I need to get back on consistently and stay on. There has to be an underlying reason why I start strong then just decide that sleep is more important than waking up early for a walk. Do I believe that I’m worth this effort? Most days I feel like I do, but how do I remind myself that I am on the days that I feel like a shit puppy? I’m going to make a strategy for this and get back to you. If you have any, please share!  I would love to hear them.

I need to sync these two areas together and move forward.  Ready, set, go!… again!

About CassieS

Cassie is an artist and writer living in Southern California. She was so busy running after her dreams, she forgot to take care of herself and ignored her weight issues. Now she’s on a mission to take back her weight and her life.

Comments are closed.