Catherine Week 7: Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

I am feeling frantic and guilty at the moment because I am writing this so late and I hate being late and feeling guilty. I think this is part of my problem. Getting so worked up about things. When I do that I hold it all in. Just like holding the excess weight. I have very legitimate reasons for being late with doing this but still the guilt is eating away at me. Interesting that I just used the word eating. So how does one handle feeling guilty about something and not literally eating the guilt away because you know as well as I do that the guilt will not go away. The food will maybe anesthetize. Not get rid of it. I admit that there is a pint of Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer singing its siren’s song to me right now. Promising to ease my guilty feelings but you know what, after spending these past seven weeks with you all and knowing you are all at my back I think maybe I am going to plug my ears and tell Ben and Jerry to “SHUT UP!!!”. I still have to deal with the guilt though.

My wonderful friend and spiritual daughter Misty is here with me now. She is one of the two young women I mentored in the BBC show “Rude Awakenings – Obesity” that I had mentioned in a previous blog that I was in. Misty and I have stayed in touch and have become very close. She is like a daughter. She is a very bright, beautiful, talented young woman. She has been sitting next to me on my bed while I am writing my blog and she just asked me “Hey Mama (she calls me MaMa)  why are you wasting your time feeling guilty? In the whole scope of the large universe this is just a tiny thing. So you are aware of this and you make an effort not to be late again. Forgive yourself and move on. Don’t sweat it.”  With that she got off the bed and went into the other room to spend sometime with James, my roommate.

Misty is so right. Not that this blog is not very important and yes I do have to get it in on time but don’t sweat the small stuff. I worry and feel guilty over too many small things and it stops me from focusing on good things and saps my energy. That is the major lesson for me this week to share. Don’t sweat the small stuff everyone. Let’s focus on our individual life style changes. On the things that make us happy. I am going to take a moment at a time.

This week I did not take any weight off. I guess my body is catching up. Last week it was a pound I took off.   I did feel a moment’s sadness but then I told myself better that I have nothing than putting something on. I know I did not do anything to gain or go into a plateau again but who knows. I will see how my next weigh in is if I have to make any adjustments.

I am still delayed with the film I am supposed to do but I have seen the costumer and have been measured and know it has been built so I know it is happening. I went on yet another audition today for a TV pilot. This time I had to be dressed up provocatively because of who the character is so I must say I was getting some very interesting looks on the bus on the way to the audition. Thank goodness the casting director’s office was in my neighborhood and Walter was with me. Had I been alone I probably would had unwelcome company. I must say though I was dressed right for the audition as the casting director had a big smile on his face when I walked through the door of his studio. He also liked my audition! Now we wait and see if I get a call back but you know even if I don’t it’s all right because every time I do an audition and do it well it’s an accomplishment for me. The fact that even though I am working through my disabilities I am walking through the doors of those studios and making them see ME. One of these days some one will hire me for the part.

When I got home I was tired and I could not make it up the stairs just yet. In case some of you do not know I live in a second floor apartment with no elevator. Yes my dears, in my condition I climb 17 stairs then have to turn and walk down a long platform to my front door. It has not been easy. Thus has been my determination  from the beginning of becoming disabled. I made myself go up and down those stairs. It was part of my therapy. There was and is many a time I can not do it so I have to rest down stairs and wait till I can climb the stairs like I had to do earlier today. While I rested our neighbor from across the platform dog Peoples came outside to say hello and keep me company. He is very affectionate. He reminds me of my dog Lil’Buddy that passed away last year. He’s a wonderful dog. Nothing like an animal to make you smile!!!

Well I am going to finish this up now. Walter is bringing my dinner to me. He as ever is a wonderful husband. He made his special pizza tonight!! Yum Yum!!

Many Many Blessings everyone!! Have a beautiful week. Remember… Don’t sweat the small stuff!!


About CatherineH

I am a NYC gal living in Southern California. I am an actress/singer/model who had a very successful career back in NYC but it was time to make a change. Little did I know that the change would come in the form of me becoming very sick and almost dying. It has been a slow and long process recovering, but I am doing it. I am now disabled but I am learning how to live with it and not let it define me.

10 Responses to Catherine Week 7: Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

  1. misty says:

    Such a beautiful blog. I’m happy I could help u mama. You are strong and driven, and because of this, I know you will succeed and concur! Together we will take the world by storm! Thank u for being there for me and for reminding me to keep going! We can do this together. Baby steps! I love u :)

  2. nina says:

    Good to hear you rocked your audition! here is hoping it all turns out well :o) I know all too well how easy it is to worry over the little things, and it is indeed good sound advice to not sweat the small stuff! Advice I could often use myself! lol. keep up the good work! xx

  3. Helen Duffy says:

    Good advice. I always remind myself that most things are not worth getting bent out o shape about.I say “It’s not cancer.” That seems to put it into perspective. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you that you book this job. Hugs.

  4. barbara rand says:

    so proud of you cathie. by the way i did not know your dog past. so so sorry, perhaps another dog will put more smiles on
    your face. i am so proud you are going out for auditions. background work in new york is scarce for me. they do not want
    gals over 50!! anyway i just am here for encouragement and tell walter regards from me. be well, barbara

  5. DIANE MATESKY says:

    your courage has helped me immensely, I look forward to your next week, and your next, and so on, continue to be strong, and fight the guilt, as you lose more and more weight, you will feel like you can accomplish anything in this world! and you will!!!

  6. marty says:

    Thanks for another good blog. Always inspiring to read. Hope by now you may have heard back from the audition. I just love the way you keep on going against all the odds. Cathie for queen!

  7. Carolyn says:

    Hi Honey! David forwarded your blog to me! You write beautifully. Miss you oodles! Give Walter a big hug for us – keep on writing and not sweating the little stuff. Love you – Carolyn P.S. Our house still has good spirits.

  8. Beth says:

    Well done Cathie, nothing stops you does it! Very inspiring! Good luck with the audition, how exciting! xxx

  9. CatherineH says:

    Thank you everyone for all the love and support!!….xxxooo

  10. Jacqueline Murria says:

    Hi Catherine Your Blog is very inspirational Very Well Written, youre a beautiful lady inside and out cathy and you have a big heart as far as i know, youre strong motivated and courageous and that expires me the most. Hugz !!! =)