I don’t want to stop my life just to lose weight quickly. Hell, I don’t want to wake up an hour earlier just to squeeze fitness into my day or pre-plan my meals. Am I stubborn? As hell. Am I stupid? In my approach, yes. This is not a great attitude for keeping healthy. This is not how you dedicate time to making a big life change. And it has been showing the scale for the past two weeks.
I have made no progress.
In fact, my healthy changes to my lifestyle have floundered a bit. I signed up for Jazzercise two weeks ago, and only attended once last week. Over the weekend, I declared that I will go all 5 week days. But I had forgotten that most of the mornings I had already set aside for a few meetings and other commitments. When I had to attend, as promised, I resented every minute and every word.
I have never felt more selfish than I do this year about my time and where I put my energy. Rather, I have never been so selfish. Yet, it is being dispersed into activities I’m not completely devoted to. So really, I have not been selfish (like I think) since I’m still spreading myself too thin. That’s more of a truth than anything else. I’m not selfish enough.
I want to make a huge declaration that over the next 2 months (the remainder of our time together) that I will be the most selfish vagabond ever — that I will shower myself with my own attention.
But I’m not going to.
It’s easy to jump into a long term challenge with fire and passion to get ‘er done. It’s even harder to actually make that commitment happen.
To avoid, yet, another pitfall, I’m not going to promise myself that.
What I am going to do is promise myself that for all of the upcoming week and see what happens — check in with myself afterwards to see if it’ll work. Week by week is easier than a lump sum of months to commit to… I may be a commit-phobe…
I am also going to attend my Jazzercise class 3 times (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday). I am going to walk to work from the parking lot (half a mile) instead of taking the shuttle. I am going to continue eating my salads at work while snacking healthy.
Hell, let’s add 10 minute meditation in there every day. I’m getting so stressed out with myself and my schedule.
I’m thinking a good plan of attack on my schedule is to peel away everything down to just me, my health, setting around my stable full-time job. Once I get the hang of that without falling short or ignoring my needs, then I can add extras on — time and interest permitting.
It sounds good. Let’s see if I can do it.