Catherine Week 23: The First One Of The Year, Hmmmmm…

As I begin writing this it is 4:50 a.m. I have not gotten any sleep in approximately three days now. Any proper sleep that is. I’ve had little glimmers of sleep here and there. I don’t quite manage to totally slip into oblivion… oh no… that is not possible. My old companion Penny is making sure of that big time no matter what I do. As a matter of fact she is really going into overdrive now. She is RELENTLESS now. 20db2712fec2__1357048397000 I am on top of my blood sugar which I admit is affected by this. It is not bad but it is kind if going up and down because of the lack of sleep. The pain though is excruciating. It is in my lower back out to my hips down my legs setting into my feet where it is the WORST!!!  ,I know this excessively cold weather we have been experiencing here in Southern California has not been helping. I know my worrying also has not been helping. I thought maybe if I just started to write my blog it might help to ease some of the pain if not take it away. I find trying to keep myself busy doing activities helps me that way. When I just lay there or sit there the pain is ten times worse and my mind magnifies it more so keeping busy helps.

I made some more pierogi on New Years Eve. James and Walter love meat pierogi and we had pork tenderloin roast left over from Christmas so I decided to experiment with it. I never made meat pierogi with pork before and I wanted to make it as low fat and low calorie as possible. Again I was making them more to keep me distracted and for the guys than for me to eat but I would like to at least try a couple of them so I should try and make them as safe as possible. Definitely a goal of 2013 is coming up with a non gluten flexible pasta dough for stuffing pierogies and other pastas that require stuffing. Also it will be “diet” friendly too!! I still need to take off another 150 to 160 pounds or at least that is the goal I would like and hope to achieve. I have to admit right at this moment at 5:12 a.m. and in so much pain I don’t feel like I am going to achieve any goals if I do not get some sleep soon!!!

Man, what a way to start out the New Year. It really sucks!!! Believe me everyone, I am trying very hard to feel good and positive and all that, but you know, it’s just not happening at THIS moment. Penny has won this round. Pain is ruling my world. I am not super woman. as much as it is expected of me to be even though I am told otherwise. Oh how I WISH I could just shake this PAIN OFF!!

Believe me, it is helping VERY MUCH that you all are allowing me to b**ch and moan to you and I am VERY grateful!! I am so GLAD I don’t have to be a fake friggin’ Pollyanna with you all when I feel so miserable!!!

I do have a question for you all and I would greatly appreciate your answers and how you honestly handle or would handle the situation.

What would you all do if a close friend gave you a present that was a food item that was something that is not part of your food regimen anymore. This friend now is very much aware of your journey and how committed you are to it. How would you handle it. Would you say something to them or not. I really want to know what you all think about this and how you would handle it. Thank you so much!!!

BTW… this has NOTHING to do with this pastThanksgiving.

For very obvious reasons everyone I am keeping this short. Thank you SO MUCH for listening to me!!

I hope you all had a wonderful New Years Celebration.  Happy New Years!! Much, Much Love!!

About CatherineH

I am a NYC gal living in Southern California. I am an actress/singer/model who had a very successful career back in NYC but it was time to make a change. Little did I know that the change would come in the form of me becoming very sick and almost dying. It has been a slow and long process recovering, but I am doing it. I am now disabled but I am learning how to live with it and not let it define me.

12 Responses to Catherine Week 23: The First One Of The Year, Hmmmmm…

  1. barbara rand says:

    GOOD MORNING CATHY, WISHING YOU AND WALTER AND ALL YOUR SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS, ESPECIALLY JAMES
    A HEALTHY HAPPY PROSPEROUS 2013!!! RIGH† HERE WITH YOU, EVEN 3,000 MILES ÇANNOT SEPARATE US FROM
    YOUR GOALS.

    OBVIOUSLY NO SLEEP IS DEFINITELY NOT HELPING YOU> PERHAPS YOUR DR> CAN TALK TO YOU?

    I WANT YOU TO ACHIEVE YOUR WEIGHT LOSS BECAUSE I KNOW HOW MUCH TALENT YOU HAVE SHINING THROUGH!
    YOUR BEAUTIFUL SELF> I HOPE TO SEE YOU THIS SUMMER AND BY THEN YOUR GOAL WILL BE SOMEWHAT ACHIEVED AND YOUR SLEEP PATTERNS WILL HAVE CHANGED. LOVE YOU< BARBARA

  2. marty says:

    We here at cemetary towers agree that if the gift were something like a box of chocolates or a cake, we would enthuse about the lovely packaging, say how delicious they looked and how you shared them with your freinds over christmas etc, but how, due to your strict diet regime, you could only allow yourself a very little, thus helping to remind your friend of your diet regime for next time. I expect your friend was just caught up in the pre Christmas hullaballoo and forgot, it’s easily done.

    Sorry to hear about the pain and sleeplessness. I really feel for you. I’ve had a run of bad phantoms pains myself for a few weeks and feel SO groggy with all the drugs and lack of sleep. When I’m awake at night I always remind myself that there are others suffering far more than me and that you are among them. Thanks, as always, for your honesty. We all want the truth…the good with the bad. They come as a set after all.

    Much love,

    Marty xxx

  3. james mottram says:

    penny needs to be drop kicked and told to take a hike she is so last year..aint no lie penny bye bye bye

  4. Dennis Safren says:

    As for your friend’s present, just eat it all up and then have the biggest dump of your life the next morning. You have to have a little fun. Anway, keep up the good work and have a great new year.
    Love,
    Dennis

  5. CatherineH says:

    Dear Dennis:

    THANK YOU for the BEST laugh!! I am laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes!!!! Happy & Blessed New Year!!!

    Love, Love & Love, Cathie xxxooo

  6. CatherineH says:

    Dear James:

    I sooo agree!!!

    Much, much love,

    Cathie xxxooo

  7. CatherineH says:

    Dear Marty:

    How lovely to hear that you and Flemming are up in Yorkshire with Beth and Gav! Thank you for the wisdom and the wonderful advice.
    Yes, you and I Marty do suffer a lot with pain and sleeplessness. How we make it through is a pure miracle. You are always in my prayers too.

    Much, much love,

    Cathie xxxooo

  8. CatherineH says:

    Hello Barbara:

    You are a darling…thank you so much!! Your words are a comforting blanket to me today!!

    Happy & Blessed New Year! I am so looking forward to seeing you this summer!!!

    Much, much love,

    Cathie xxxooo

  9. Annie says:

    Hmmm gifts of food to a person an a strict diet….hmmmm…..I don’t know what to say….My advice is don’t eat it – give it to the squirrels….. Next time you see your ‘friend’ just remind her gently that you had a hard time not eating her delicious present – you lost sleep over it…but please next time no food, chocolates or anything with sugar….and you are blaming it on your doctor. You just have to be honest with your friend. Perhaps they didn’t realize and thought the Holiday time was okay… It IS NOT… NO TIME IS OKAY. smile nicely.

    Have you tried a hot water bottle on your back – or an electric back warmer….it helps – it really does….and helps you sleep – the hot water bottle – nothing electric when you are going to sleep….. All will be well Cathy – you have such a good and loving disposition – it is hard for you I know…. I also think you should put off your operation until after the summer – giving you more time to get in shape and strong for it……

    I love you – you are one of my best friends…..New York Days….. xoxo

  10. CatherineH says:

    Hi Annie:

    Your advice is very good Annie just like everyone has been. Being honest is a very good thing. Being diplomatic with honesty.

    I’ll give the hot water bottle a try but I will need several of them to go all over. I can’t wait for the summer. I have to start doing the surgery now. I can’t go on this way.

    I love you too Annie…we have wonderful memories indeed!! What was the name of the place we always went to on the corner of 9th Avenue and 43Street down stairs from Manhattan Plaza?

  11. Helen Duffy says:

    Just catching up, Cathy. I hope by the time I read the next installment, you will have kicked that bad girl to the curb. Penny has no place in your life. You need your sleep. Your friends have given good advice. I always find music helps. Just close your eyes and let your body feel the music. Of course it should be something soothing and mellow…no gangsta rap or heavy metal.
    I agree with Marty on his interpretation and response to the Xmas gift which if not thoughtless, was at the very least inappropriate. I am sure it presented an opportunity for you to share with your friends or regift and bring delight to someone else. I am guessing it can’t be saved til next years Xmas raffle at First Stage?
    Stay strong. Keep telling yourself that you are brave and strong and Penny is a wimp…soon to be banished. You want to be at your best for your surgery.
    Hugs

  12. CatherineH says:

    Hi Helen:

    I saw my Pain management doctor today so that will help “kicking Penny to the curb” so to speak. I had an epidural. As for the gift…it was an apple pie so alas it could not be saved till next year’s Christmas raffle at First Stage though it is a GREAT idea!!! I actually bake a fabulous apple pie so maybe I’ll make a couple for the party but non gluten and not made with white sugar. No one will know the difference :-)

    I’m working on staying strong.

    Much, much love,

    Cathie xxxooo