Last week I was feeling a little less than enthused, to say the very least! I reached my initial goal weight, but I did not feel the way I expected I would. When I began this whole process, I had this vision of jumping for joy and tearing up on the scale when I finally saw that magical number. The moment was much less than magic and all I felt was bland about it all. I think maybe those weight loss shows on television have ruined the weight loss process for me, and probably many others as well. When you see someone who loses more than 20 lbs. on the TV, they just completely breakdown in happiness and are overwhelmed with joy. Of course those people are told to react that way, the show or commercial they are on tell them to bring the drama and make it over the top. I guess letting myself get caught up in the fantasy is my own fault, I don’t think I have been realistic about what this really means.
While losing weight, I have realized a few things that I never expected. One thing is, I was so sure that I would be so confident and happy once I got the weight off. The notion that my self-esteem would rise was so false! Since I started losing weight, I am dreadfully insecure. I feel like my weight is in line with my self-worth and every time I see someone in better shape I feel like they are more valid that myself. The total focus on my weight has made me a lot vainer than I ever had been before. It has affected me not just in my eating habits but in other areas. At the age of 26 I find myself using anti-aging creams now and a lot more make-up than I used to wear. I never really even thought about this stuff before, I never cared; I take care of myself but I have always been a ‘take me as I am’ type of person.
Losing weight is still very important to me and I have a ways to go, but I need to rethink how I am looking at this. My new goal is going to be more about shape and composition than the number that shows up on the scale. I know I have a problem with mid-section fat, specifically the love handles. I also have thick arms, so that is going to be something I need to work on going forward. My legs are actually really toned, but now that I have to start wearing winter clothes, my skinny legs aren’t going to take the focus off my chubby everything else. From now on, I am going to try my best to only weigh myself once a week and not every day. Goal wise, I am going to look to be a size seven in two weeks. Currently, I am about a size 9, some days more comfortably than others!